deja vu: (noun) a feeling of having already experienced the present situation.
Mid-December, one year ago, I was flying back to my childhood home to spend Christmas, my birthday, and the New Year with my family. A few weeks ago, I made that same journey back to my childhood home to once again spend the Holidays with my family. Deja Vu. It was a weird feeling. However, one thing that is different than last year’s journey is, I have a definite return date instead of leaving it open-ended. Knowing that still did not dismiss feelings of deja vu.
During my travels, I couldn’t help but think (I had long layovers for way too much thinking), “I’ve already done this once before exactly one year ago…” I knew I would be returning to Montana in few weeks when classes started again, so leaving this time wasn’t as hard as before. As those moments of deja vu kept overwhelming me, and I returned to everything that was all too familiar, I kept thinking, “I’m not ready for this adventure to be over.” I’m not ready to ‘come home’ yet. I am not ready to come home permanently.
Don’t get me wrong, I have missed all my family and friends as well as all the familiar territory, and it’s comforting to return to for a short time. However, being away from all things familiar has been good for me. Being in new territory has forced me to be more courageous to take steps out of my comfort zone. I don’t have a choice and must learn to do things on my own. Since being home, I’ve noticed how quick and easy it has been to fall back into old habits and old emotions and that’s when I realized how well this new adventure was for me.
I love my childhood home and all the people that became a part of my life as a result of growing up there. I will always love returning. Perhaps one day, my spirit will feel the call to return there permanently. Right now, my spirit wants to continue on new adventures, to see new places, meet new people, and make more connections.
Griz 